1.    Adam and Eve
This couple had it all but it still wasn’t enough.  After a slippery salesman conducted some market research based on the population and found that 50% of the population was likely to be tempted to eat a piece of fruit that was otherwise forbidden.  The targeted email went out to Eve.  This was done for two reasons.  Firstly it would receive a 100% take up ratio giving the snake’s campaign a huge appearance of success and secondly, if Adam would have received the same email, peer pressure from a negative party could have meant that the sale would never have been closed.  Finally, Eve took the apple, Adam soon followed and the snake launched the first fig leaf clothing range.

2.    Noah
It was a pretty hard sale to begin with, a large boat and a lot of dry land.  No wonder it only appealed to the animal instincts amongst the consumers.  Had Noah have compiled a little more data about the human consumers of the time, he would have realized that the rest of the world was metaphorically and literally up the creek without a paddle.  However, even after planting the first vineyard in the history of the world and converting the Ark into the first pub, Noah still had trouble bringing in the customers.

3.    Abraham
As a consumer Abraham was the first recorded person not to give in to peer pressure and start worshipping idols.  Despite the fact that his father, grandfather and in fact his entire family were bowing down to consumer needs. Abraham had a smashing time without the little stone heads. On further analysis of the situation, there was an increase in the sale of hammers.

4.    Jacob
The first documented incentivized promotion.  One bowl of venison at the low cost of one birthright.  Market research had proven that Jacob’s customer base was easily influenced by instant gratification.  When posed with the question it was just too hard for Esau to resist.  However, the cost of the campaign ended a little higher than expected with Jacob ending up working for his uncle Lavon for around 14 years, as 14 years was the standard money back guarantee period at that time.

5.    Joseph
The first marketing visionary in history.  Starting his own line of coats he failed in his initial attempt due to lack of quantity – there was only one and it was his.  After talking his way out of a jail cell he realized his dreams and became the high chancellor of Egypt.  Despite never going back into the family business ‘Jacob and Sons’, his own sons Ephraim and Menashe did decide to continue running the family business and their descendents followed the trail of milk and honey.

6.    Moses and Pharoah
What started as a formidable partnership was always doomed to end in tragedy.  Quite the taskmaster, Pharoah wanted to increase production at any cost.  Moses, at this point, setup the first known instance of a workers union and called for industrial action.  Using hard sell tactics on Pharoah to let his people go, it finally took a 10 point marketing campaign, commonly known as the plagues, to change Pharoah’s mind and release the enslaved Israelites.  This type of campaign is also referred to as a pyramid scheme.

7.    Samson
Despite his strong personality, analysis of the situation led the Philistines to employ the services of a marketing temptress.  Delilah was dispatched and effectively succeeded in breaking down the barriers of the big guy.  Overcome by a bad hair day, Samson couldn’t accept the situation sitting down.  So he stood up and brought the house down, literally.  Lesson learned – deception is probably not the most effective form of marketing.

8.    King David
When faced with a hostile takeover by Goliath and Co., young David the shepherd boy used psychology and a little rock to get inside the head of the opposition.  The price fell in Goliath stock and David took over the kingdom.  Goliath demonstrated all the common signs of not understanding the value of brand marketing and chose to disregard the route of mergers and acquisitions.

9.    King Solomon
When King David handed over the keys of the kingdom to Solomon, his analytic skills sharpened and wisdom prevailed.  Never one to make a hasty decision based on little or no information, King Solomon was the first recorded person to use exclusivity as a marketing tool (long before the launch of Gmail).  When confronted with one baby and two mothers the only logical solution was to cut the baby in half.  However, knowing that this tactic would bring forth the real mother to save the infant, Solomon immediately retracted the ‘invitation to treat’ previously offered to the 3rd party, who was quite keen on half a head, one arm and one leg.

10.    Jonah
Not known for having a whale of a time, Jonah was asked to give a short presentation to the people of Niniveh.  The subject of the presentation entitled ‘Change Your Ways Or Die A Horrible Death’ was just a little too much for Jonah.  His biggest problem was underestimating his CEO and not understanding that Niniveh was actually covered by a group insurance policy.  After a short fish-in vacation, Jonah delivered a successful presentation and Niniveh was saved.  Here we see the earliest example of successful group marketing.